So, here’s how to cheat without cheating. In order to get this essay to rank high on Google, I’m going to use the next paragraph to blather on incoherently about essay writing companies.  My aim is to boost the keyword density of this essay, thereby reaching readers who are bothered by cheating, yet desperate to EARN good grades, and who might otherwise be tempted to hire some poorly qualified “professional” to write for them. By clearly stating my aims, my purpose is transparent, and you can decide whether or not my intentions are honorable. You also get a sample of some fairly hideous, but grammatically correct writing. Watch me pack a paragraph with key words and phrases (italicized for fun). Here goes:
 

Professional essays are available, but if you need an essay, it is better to learn essay writing for yourself. I would never hire a professional essay writer to write my essay for me, because I believe in honesty and integrity. My own honor is important, so I would never turn in a term paper, an essay, a book report, a college paper, a research paper, a thesis, or a dissertation that was written by a professional writer or a team of professional writers. Besides, term papers, essays, book reports, college papers, research papers, theses, and dissertations should be written by the person who claims authorship. Those who claim to provide custom writing are selling me short. I don’t care if they provide free references, a free bibliography, a free table of contents, and a satisfaction guarantee. If a paper or essay is not my work, I cannot call it my own writing. I don’t care if they offer the lowest price; there is no reasonable rate for my honor. These essay writers claim to provide confidential service, but the most important person will still know—me. Besides, why aren’t these seasoned professional writers writing for a newspaper or magazine? If they write so well, why do they write for peanuts? Affordable essay writing is a misnomer. I cannot afford to disrespect myself by hiring someone to write a cheap college essay for me. And what is a custom essay? A custom job is done by someone besides me. Yeah, a cheap college essay, they say. What about the cheap job that I’ll get if I buy essays from them and never learn how to write. The only affordable essay is one I write myself. Why would I buy an essay? My goodness, who would buy a dissertation? Now that’s cheating. Dissertation writing and thesis writing are expected parts of earning a degree. I would never hire someone to write my dissertation for me. How could they write my dissertation without doing my research, anyway? It just seems wrong to provide a dissertation writing service, or a thesis writing service.

Endnote: I picked on AHEAD Papers mostly because their ad appeared on Open2it and the grammar on their website is so bad, but an ad from Affordable Essay Writing also popped up on Open2it, and their grammar is just as bad (even worse in some respects). Combing through the hundreds of Google search results that show up using the search string “essay writing service,” it is clear that English is not the first language of some of these “professional writers.” Some sites disclose that the cheaper sources use Pakistani or Indian writers. I can only add that this does not surprise me. I also learned from someone in the know that many of the writers are upper level undergraduates whose writing is perhaps a year’s training better than that of students they write for.

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Advertising Continues
written by Soapy Dishwater, December 31, 2008

I just had a Google ad come up for philosophy writers dot com Looks like the same kind of crap.

Is there any way to opt out of advertisements for specific services??

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