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| Emotional Need and Extended Breastfeeding |
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| Written by Randall Reiserer |
| Friday, 14 November 2008 02:39 |
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Note added 12/11/08: Many thanks to Hawaii for his blog on this topic (Breastfeeding, a Bit of Data).
Preamble: Recent debate—pointed out by a new member—about this article has prompted me to make a few clarifications to avoid further misinterpretations. First, this article refers to a fanatical minority of mothers and I have made minor text adjustments to clarify that point throughout. Second, I have added some commentary in response to criticisms, which appear in italicized parentheticals. I would also like to express the opinion that there can be great flexibility in parental practices without compromising functionality, but that context must be considered. That said, this article is intended to promote examination of a topic, not to offend those who make well-informed, context-dependent choices. In the spirit of Open2it, I hope that readers will ask questions and point out logical flaws (as well as data) so we can all benefit from the wisdom of an informed and astute collective. Onward. . . Recently, I found a video on YouTube about a British mother who has extended breastfeeding to an extreme—regularly nursing one 8-year-old daughter and having nursed another for five years—and I posted it on Open2it. I was hoping for some insightful feedback and, indeed, it wasn’t long before a member suggested just what I had thought myself: that extremely extended breastfeeding is more about the mother’s needs than those of her children. Going a bit further, I would suggest that mothers in industrialized countries who extend breastfeeding to fanatical extremes—past 2½-3 years (three years is considered very extended in most cultures)—suffer from some sort of emotional neediness that might in some cases be psychopathological, perhaps borderline personality disorder or another disorder that manifests feelings of emotional emptiness. Breastfeeding, especially for mothers in a modern social setting, requires so much effort that it seems unfathomable that a mother would opt to extend this laborious task unless her motivation for doing so filled a deep personal need. (Some emotional disorders are associated with Trackback(0)
Comments (5)
  written by Kelly, November 16, 2008
I am a school teacher, so I see children everyday that have some kind of problem that they are trying to overcome. I have been teaching now for 12 years, and every year I see children that are messed up because of things that parents have done to them. The thought of parents being allowed to raise their children however they want scares me half to death. Laws have been put in place to protect children. I think that there should be more.
Just last year a father from my school liked to smack his sons in the head as a means of punishment. One day the father hit his son so hard he broke the boy's ear drum and did damage that cannot be undone. Both of the boys have problems that are now being investigated. The state doctors feel that the problems they have were from being hit in the head. That is just one example I have a lot more.
 written by rsr, November 19, 2008
With all due respect, parents should not be allowed to parent any way they wish. That statement is broad enough to include severe beatings and even dismemberment as acceptable child punishment. To address the character of the sentiment, though, we do indeed have such diversity in the human experience because parents are afforded certain liberties in child rearing, but we should ask ourselves to what degree the range of neuroses and psychoses among adult humans is directly correlated with that parental liberty, and whether it is moral to allow parents to inflict lasting damage upon their children.
The sentiment that parents should be allowed to parent as they wish assumes that children should have no rights of protection against a parental environment that they did not choose. It objectifies them and reduces them to possessions, rather than people. If we should grant parents that unfettered right, should we not also hold them responsible for the subsequent behavior of their adult children? If someone builds and sets off a bomb, we incarcerate him. Why should we not incarcerate parents who, through emotional abuse and neglect, create monstrous progeny who inflict devastation upon society? People who make it through abusive childhoods and like themselves have certainly won a triumph, but how much better adjusted would they be had they been spared that unnecessary agony? How many more productive years would they have enjoyed without the necessity of managing a storm of residual emotion? It doesn't sound like the extreme form of attachment parenting is working out too well for your friend, and from my experience (only four solid data points, admittedly), extended breast feeding doesn't work too well for anyone else either. All parenting models are subject to perversion. There is much to be said about attachment parenting, most of it good. The problem is that some people take it too far. Breastfeeding seems to be one of those formulaic components of attachment parenting that can be taken to a fanatical extreme.
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I firmly believe that people should be allowed to parent however they wish, almost as much as we would allow people to do what they want with their own bodies. I accept that we adults came to be all these different types due to not only nature but different ways of nurture. Many of us grew up with "bad" parenting, but we still grew up and our experiences made us who we are. Who's to say I would have been a better person if my parents never divorced, never argued, never raised a hand to me, never remarried someone who molested me? I have no idea who I would have been, but I'm happy with the person I am now.