Open2it Community Blog

I just read Randall's blog and watched the video on breastfeeding.  And then I went to justmommies.com to read the debate, and HOLY S***, what a cat fight is raging over there!

I didn't feel comfortable joining that forum, being a dude and all, so I thought I'd weigh in over here at open2it. Thing is, I have a bit of data for those who think that breastfeeding can't be taken too far.

Despite my brother's complaints, my sister-in-law breast-fed their son, Jeremy,  until he was 6 and now he's 13. He's definitely a little horn-dog and last summer he got in a lot of trouble for molesting a neighbor girl in the girl's backyard pool. Seems He just couldn't keep his hands off her boobs, which were quite well developed for her age. In the court case that ensued, Jeremy confessed that he didn't know that there was anything wrong with what he had done. He just wanted to play with the girl's breasts. It all seemed really natural to him. The girl's family is asking for damages for psychological trauma, and it looks like they will get what they're after.

Well, that had not been the first time that Jeremy got in trouble for his breast admiration. When he was 8 or 9, he snuggled up to one of his aunts (my sister) at Thanksgiving and deftly slipped his hand into her blouse for a feel. She jumped up in horror and went straight to his mother who had to smooth things over really quickly. Sometime after that, my brother found out that he had been doing internet searches (and lots of them) for "big boobs," "breastfeeding mothers," and all sorts of things related to breasts. The kid wasn't even an adolescent and he was infatuated with boobs.

When he was in 6th grade he was suspended from school for peeking into the girls locker room,  and there have been a dozen or so other incidents. It became a family joke that Jeremy's mom had created a little boob-hound. The guys in our family might have even encouraged his behavior. I mean, he was something of a novelty and his behavior seemed kind of cool. But no one is laughing now. His premature lust has landed the family in a lot of trouble and they are seriously considering moving out of the neighborhood.

Jeremy's former gym teacher and the school counselor were actually summoned to court and they gave some really damning testimony. Apparently the counselor had questioned Jeremy about things and he had divulged that he was breast-fed until age 6. The fallout has been devastating, and it ain't over yet.

The sad thing is that no one in his family had a serious talked with Jeremy until after the pool incident, and he is pretty bewildered about his predicament. He's been transferred to a different school and he feels like a social outcast.

I had a talk with him a while back and asked him about his feelings. He's pretty clammed up about his inner workings, but I got enough out of him to know that what he feels is a lot like lust. He said that he gets strong urges whenever he sees breasts. He wants to touch them and put them in his mouth, and he feels very frustrated that he can't satisfy his urges.

 So what's new? I felt the same way when I was a teenager. Well, the difference is that he just became a teenager and he says that he can't remember a time when he didn't feel that way. I asked him how well he remembers breastfeeding and he said: "Like it was yesterday." He feels angry at his mother, but he has trouble articulating why. When I asked him if it's because he thought she allowed him to breastfeed too long, he said: "If she would just let me-" and he abruptly shut up. I didn't get much else out of him, but it seems obvious that he would like to satisfy his urges at his mother's bosom.

I'm not going to open myself to criticism by taking sides about how long is too long for breastfeeding, but I will say that there is something messed up about what's happening to Jeremy. He's a great kid and he deserves to be understood.

One last thing, my mother only breastfed me for three or four months and I don't seem to be any worse off health-wise than Jeremy. I just passed my qualifying exam and I should finish my PhD on schedule, so I'm pretty satisfied that my mother gave me enough nutrition that my brain developed OK. I've got a great relationship with my mother and I never felt like we weren't close, so when I see a bunch of new-age mothers bickering over whether or not kids should have unlimited access to mom's milk, I just count myself lucky that I'm not in Jeremy's shoes.